First things first ask yourself what is it that you’re trying to forgive yourself about. Majority of the time you’re going to want to forgive yourself over a loss. When you think of a loss think of it in it’s most simple way; to say goodbye to something. These losses can vary in degrees, it could be the loss of reputation, having a miscarriage, and even the loss of your virginity. Once you’re able to identify these losses, it’s very important for you to really dive into each of these. Like many people it’s very easy to just push these losses to the side, or to make them seem less than important for other things that are going on with you. Do you want to explore wholistically how these losses impact you.
From there it’s vital that you understand the process of how you feel. This is important because how you feel will comes from your thoughts, and your emotion will influence your behaviors. Oh did you think that forgiving yourself was just gonna be a one step process?
So what is the point of doing all of this, how does this lead to you to forgive yourself? This is because your mentality begins to change, and while your mentality begins to change you reflect way more. During these reflections you begin to understand your situations, how you felt during them, and why you showed the behavior that you did. You stop judging yourself, and from here you begin to forgive yourself, because you know who you were then I can distinguish that from who you are now, and even to your becoming.
I will use myself for example. I am making this a conversation because this is some thing that I myself have been in practice of as part of my Teaching Certification with the NATURE Center, The past two months have been focusing on us doing an array of exercises that worked us through all of the steps….
Practice Self Care
Doing this work will get pretty tough, and you can get really lost in the sauce if you don’t have a way of pulling yourself back. That’s why this is very important to do self-care while doing the practice of forgiving yourself.
- Self Healing Reiki Treatments
- Mirror Work
Get a Good Support System
While doing this work you will most likely realize that you have a handful of things that you need to forgive yourself about. This being said this is work that will be done for years, and one thing about years they have seasons. Some days are going to be better than others, and you can’t be strong at all times. So when you do have your moments, it is nice to have either someone or a group of beings that you can reflect with.
- Use a partner , family member, or friend
- Hire a Coach
- Join a Healing Group
Focus on Your Emotions
Do you truly allow yourself to feel? And not just the good stuff everything even when you’re mad when you’re sad do you really allow yourself to feel these things? Ask yourself, do you dodge certain emotions and if so why do you do that? Dodging emotions can range from watching a lot of TV, drinking and going out, staying in bed and sleeping in too much, and even exercising too much. Really begin to explore your emotions and how you feel this will begin to explain why you do certain things and this is because your emotions are being stem from your thoughts.
Here’s a checklist to go over Emotion Dodging Methods:
Focus on your Thoughts
OK so here’s the connections from your thoughts to your emotions:
- There is a situation that happens
- You have a thought
- Those thoughts then stir up emotions
- Those emotions began to trigger more thoughts which then trigger a stronger emotion
- Your behavior follows these thoughts and emotions. You act in ways that bring about similar situations, which then reinforce your negative thoughts, and the cycle repeats itself
Does that make things make more sense for you?
During this time you also want to be as mindful as possible, you achieve this by meditating, doing certain practices, working with people who are trained in this area. This allows you to be able to go into your losses without so much judgment for yourself.
Study Your Losses
All right this is the really greedy part of all the work, you’re not only identify your losses during this time, but you also want to make sure that you’re doing the proper practices that are allowing to really dissect them. Without doing this a kind of defeats the whole purpose of you even doing it because why do half ass work? This then allows you to really examine your behaviors as a whole, and combining this with the other practices will allow you to begin to look at your addictive patterns in your life. From here you can begin to understand and dissect yourself, you become your own patient. During these times I like to practice
Parts Work and Inner Child Healing. A huge part of the processes is to not only forgive yourself now, but also the version of you who made these decisions.
That’s the end of this article. I hope you not only enjoyed it, but also take something from it. This video version of this article is here:
Williams, Rebecca E., and Julie S. Kraft. The Mindfulness Workbook for Addiction: a Guide to Coping with the Grief, Stress and Anger That Trigger Addictive Behaviors. New Harbinger Publ., 2012.